Initially in the focus groups the women discussed the structure of a parenting program. This discussion occurred to develop rapport and trust with the participants which enabled researchers to then ask questions about more sensitive topics. The discussion progressed to women’s specific needs, to be addressed within a parenting education program.
Structure of parenting program
The women were positive about the concept of a parenting program designed for their needs. Collectively, women agreed that all child developmental ages should be included: an example, “Need to cover from a young age to an older age because a lot of girls around here either have older kids or really young kids or grandkids that are young as well” (FG 1). One woman suggested it would be a good idea to encourage women to voice their reasons for attending the program to enable the program facilitator to: “Alter it to that person for what they need” (FG 2). Women wanted to attend parenting education once or twice a week, for five to eight sessions, lasting one to two hours. Many women were serving short sentences and for that reason women thought sessions should be offered twice a week. The women requested sessions to be kept short as they recognized some may become restless, bored, and unable to concentrate for long periods. The women described wanting a combination of discussion, videos, handouts, lots of information and some suggested roleplays would be useful. The provision of handouts was recommended to enable women to revisit information and may assist women who have learning challenges as one woman shared: “I have a really bad memory and short attention span” (FG 1).
Most women liked the idea of making and sending something to their children and suggested making a puppet or card with their photograph. The women explained they wanted their children to have something to keep and show that they were okay. A few women proposed that a “lived experience mentor” would make the program worthwhile. This mentor would be a person who had experienced similar circumstance and could communicate about their transition to a positive lifestyle. Interestingly, several women suggested the benefit of incorporating humor into the program: “A funny starter would be good; that will get the girls connected” (FG 1). Many women stated they did not want to feel judged: “There’s gotta be some sort of respect on each level – no discrimination, no judgment” (FG 5). The women liked the idea of peer support, knowing others had similar circumstances. Women expressed how they wanted a facilitator to connect with, to listen, and who would understand and not judge them. The majority of Aboriginal women expressed a need for an education group specifically for them. These women suggested inviting their Elders for circle time as a way of building respectful relationships and passing on cultural knowledge. Connection to culture and community is important for Aboriginal peoples, to maintain their social and emotional wellbeing.
Working towards a positive self
The first need identified by the women themselves was to work towards a positive self. In all focus groups women communicated trauma experienced in their lives including being in prison and being separated from their children and family. This trauma included domestic violence, lack of support, removal of children and using drugs and alcohol as coping strategies. The Aboriginal women described the added trauma of racism, discrimination and intergenerational trauma. The women recognized the need to look after their own health and wellbeing in order to look after their children. Women described their cycles of distress with domestic violence and having limited skills and support to draw on for their emotional health. The threat of deportation was another issue for women who were not Australian citizens. One woman, however, viewed deportation as a way of making a “new start” and escaping the threat of domestic violence, demonstrating her fear of the situation. Another woman exemplified the severity and frequency of domestic violence when she said:
This whole jail is domestic violence, every single woman in here has had some sort of it, every single one, that and yeah and pretty bad cases. (FG 6)
Domestic violence and related trauma were seen as common amongst the women and the women recognized the need to work on their own healing.
Racism and discrimination were discussed by Aboriginal women in relation to the criminal justice system and Child Protection.
How many different stories there is of indigenous women and men, Elders, all genders and yet we still stand here, with our respect and dignity of who we are, as Aboriginal women. (FG 5)
This woman highlighted the added layers of discrimination and trauma that Aboriginal peoples experience and the strength of their people and culture despite the hardship they have endured.
Women were looking for positive self-care strategies as some discussed not being nurtured in their childhood. One woman highlighted the fact that she had not been shown love and was unsure how to show her children love:
Now if you’ve only been shown one way, like if they’ve never been shown love, how you gonna show em that? (FG 5)
A number of women discussed their mental health and referred to “not coping”, being left with their own thoughts or more specifically depression and anxiety. One woman described escaping the pain by withdrawing and not having the skills to deal with difficult emotions:
Yeah, it’s the honest truth – you leave with some sort of depression, anxiety being around big groups. You can’t handle it because you are so used to withdrawing in because that’s the only way you can deal with being inside here. (FG 4)
The trauma and mental health conditions women experience highlight the importance of building a safe and trusting environment within a parenting education group.
Some women felt stressed and saddened when thinking about the separation experienced from their children and family. One woman reflected on the sadness she was experiencing when thinking about her daughter who was removed through Child Protection and expressed how she feels like a stranger:
I have to let that be, as my own child looking at her, not knowing who I am and that’s what I have to let, because that is what’s happened. (FG 5)
Grief and sadness were experienced by some women as they came to realize their role as a mother had diminished. However, women were motivated to learn skills to deal with difficult emotions. Women described experiencing an array of negative emotions including stress, anger, frustration, guilt, grief, loss, regret, remorse and sadness. Women reported managing their emotions by writing in a journal, attending programs focused on positivity, exercise, breathing and meditation. Some felt uncomfortable with breathing exercises as stated by one participant, “they make me feel a bit stupid” (FG 1) and discussed not being able to sit still for breathing and meditation. Many women discussed the need for more skills and tools to draw upon. One woman remarked,
We are just expected to be like warriors and be able to cope with it all, it’s not easy. (FG 2)
Another woman stated,
We need a skill that is quick and easy to turn to because drugs is quick and easy to turn to. (FG 3)
The women reported trauma and stress experienced in their lives and were needing skills and support to make positive changes to their own health and wellbeing. Women wanted to increase their knowledge and be able to navigate support systems and recognized that the temptation to turn to substance misuse would be difficult to overcome. Their children were central to their desire to make positive changes. The focus for women on a positive future and a history of trauma aligns with the need for a strengths-based, trauma informed approach to education.
Communication – as a lifeline
Communication and connection with children and family was vital for the women. The main method of communication was through telephone calls. Women expressed their difficulty talking to young children over the telephone. Some women discussed how they took this personally, thinking their children did not want to talk to them. Others expressed how they were not up to date with their child’s interests or milestones. Nevertheless, women placed a significant amount of importance on telephone calls because it was their main form of communication.
What I really wanted to learn is how to communicate with my kids when I am incarcerated and being with them, like with phone calls. (FG 6)
Many agreed the availability of a video call would improve conversations, especially with young children who would often use one-word answers as one woman explained:
I go, ‘How was your day?’ She said, ‘Good.’, ‘What did you do?’ ‘Things.’ I go, ‘What did you learn?’ ‘Not much.’ My son says goes ‘I don’t know, mum she never shuts up at home, she does not shut up and it is only when she is on the phone that she doesn’t talk things up’. (FG 6)
This account demonstrates the challenges of talking to young children over the telephone and some of the women reported feeling unsure of how to improve their conversations. Some women did not know that it is common to have difficulty talking to young children on the phone in any circumstances. The importance of connection with family via video calls was highlighted by one woman:
I’m relying on, when I get deported that it will be my lifeline, will be this skype to talk to my son, granddaughter and my friends. It’ll just be that will be my way of communicating – yeah like so I can still see them. (FG 6)
This woman described the limited opportunity she would have to connect with her family as she held hope that video calls would be available for communication. She described the calls with family as her lifeline.
Several women discussed how they wanted support to improve their written and verbal communication. The Aboriginal women also discussed the need for improved communication skills with professional people, for example, lawyers and social workers which could impact decisions around child contact. Difficulties communicating with people in a position of power may reflect the fear and distrust created by Australia’s history of colonization and forced child removal which led to a complete disruption of all aspects of life for Aboriginal peoples.
Some women wrote letters, journals and sent unfinished coloring pictures back and forth to their children until completion. One woman described the importance of writing in a journal and encouraged her child to read her reflections. This was an effective way to express her feelings and connect with her daughter:
I’ve given it to my oldest and they have read [it], so every time I have been in jail while she was a baby and while she was growing up – she’s read it now. (FG 4)
In one group women laughed and joked that their children would write messages using abbreviations on their computer i.e., LOL (laugh out loud). Many participants reported their children rarely responded because they were too focused on technology, which was illustrated by a woman who said,
It’s all on computer cos, I always say to my kids, ‘send me a picture anything, just send me something,’ you know but they don’t do that these days – they don’t know how to. (FG 4)
Even though women joked about their children not writing, it appeared they genuinely wanted to receive a letter. Children not responding was a shared experience by many of the women and some had given up trying. Communication with family and children was considered important to most of the women. However, the women reported communication problems and conveyed they did not have access to support with these issues.
Supporting and nurturing their children
Women explained feeling helpless whilst incarcerated and unable to provide support and nurture their children. They spoke at length about problems their children faced daily due to their incarceration as well as trauma their children continue to experience. It was acknowledged that children face challenges such as, what to tell their friends, friends not wanting to play with them, media exposure of their mother and the crime, and the shame of having a mother in prison. One woman explained,
Yeah, and it’s easy for me cos I am out of the scene. They are the ones out there dealing with everyone talking, the shame, yeah oh you can’t play with that kid cause that parent did this – sort of thing – you know, it would be hard. (FG1)
Women were concerned their children were being punished for their mistakes and these challenges led them to want to learn how to support their child emotionally and understand their behavior. Many women discussed children getting into fights at school and being bullied. One woman commented that most kids end up moving school because they “copped a lot” as the women discussed their children having to cope with the shame of having a mother incarcerated and other children not wanting to play with them anymore. The women described being powerless as their child’s behavior changed from doing well to getting suspended, as one woman said,
Now my 13-year-old; he’s running amok at school and getting in fights and carrying on cos I’m in here – yeah behavior – yeah that’s another thing to learn about, yeah different behaviors. (FG 4)
Although, several women discussed problematic behaviors, no one mentioned any external supports with which their children were engaged. Some women expressed worry about their children, but they did not feel in a position to provide support. One woman learnt through her relationship with her son, the importance of communicating that her incarceration was not his fault, and she still loved him. This woman was able to reflect on the behavior of her son and gain insight into his experiences and understand why he was angry. This woman discussed the quality times she spent with her son, participating in activities he enjoyed and recognized the impact of incarceration on their relationship when she had been previously released from prison,
My son thought I didn’t love him anymore because I come [sic] here and so he was very angry, you know this was when he was like 11 years old. And he was very angry, and this was a boy that I would take camping and go motor bike riding, but he just didn’t want to. (FG4)
A few women were anxious because they felt a lack of control over what their children were doing, particularly as older children were gaining independence. One woman highlighted the difficulties associated with parenting teenagers from a distance,
I feel like I should be there, she shouldn’t be just winging it by herself. I feel like I’m going to be a grandmother before I get out, yeah and she’s, yeah, fifteen. (FG1)
A few women reported their teenage children were at a vulnerable stage, negotiating life with limited guidance. Women discussed how they felt connected enough to hear their stories but struggled with the best way to support their developmental needs. Many women expressed how they wanted guidance to be able to talk to their teenagers. The separation and powerlessness women experienced also led to feelings of guilt. Women discussed how they missed out on special occasions and everyday activities like sport or supporting their children with homework. One woman explained,
Yeah, definitely you feel guilty that you missed birthdays, Christmases; you feel guilty that you can’t be there for all those moments. (FG 2)
Another woman explained the guilt as “the worst, the worst” and another as “a big thing” (FG 2). The women who discussed guilt, phrased this by saying “you feel guilty,” rather than saying “I feel guilty”, as a way of acknowledging that most women in the prison experienced guilt.
Supporting the children to understand the circumstances as to why they were in prison was a concern for many women. Women discussed the need for guidance to inform their children as to why they were in prison, about the crime committed and how to make the conversation age appropriate. It became apparent women had not been given any specific guidance about communicating their circumstances with their child. One woman explained,
Yeah, it’s not their fault for what we have done but it’s hard to try and explain it to them, that you are sorry – you know ‘cos from their point of view it’s like they are copping it for something that they haven’t even done. And we are trying to say – what can we say, you know. (FG1)
Some women told their children, “Mummy was naughty,” and “they have to stay in jail” or they had not told the child and were thankful they would not remember. Other difficult conversations were discussed, particularly with teenagers such as committing a crime and “hope that they don’t follow mum’s footsteps” (FG 4), teenage pregnancy, and other problems their child may face were cause for concern. Another woman explained a conversation she had with her eighteen-year-old daughter on the telephone, who was missing her mother and threatened to get herself incarcerated to spend time with her:
‘I’m so going to get myself locked up so I can come spend time with ya’. So, I had to get angry with her on the phone; it was the worst feeling ever and ‘you can’t be coming in here’. ‘It’s not that bad in there’ and then when I told her and I had to say: ‘well hang on a minute, what you see is nothing, yeah.’ (FG 1)
This woman was having difficulty communicating that she did want to spend time with her daughter, however she became angry when trying to discuss how serious she was about not wanting her daughter to end up in prison. The women expressed a deep understanding of how their situations have a negative impact on their children and this too distressed them.
Hopefulness and reconnecting
The majority of women expressed a strong desire to reconnect with their children and family despite complex challenges, particularly with Child Protection and in some instances the caregiver of their child. Women expressed mixed feelings of hope and concern about reconnecting with their children and returning to the community. A specific need for practical parenting skills and information was deemed essential for the transition. Some women knew their role of mother may no longer be achievable and expressed wanting to give their children space to find forgiveness, without further distancing the relationship:
I think even if you are not in your kid’s life, always just being there. You don’t have to be in their lives but being there so whenever they want you or need you, you are there, that’s the thing. (FG 2)
This woman wanted to stay connected with her children and regain their trust by being available when they were in need. She had come to the realization that her day-to-day mothering role was lost. This may have been her way of coping and embracing her role in a positive way.
Although, the issue of child custody stimulated confusion, sadness and frustration for many, the women were searching for ways to reconnect. Women conveyed not knowing how to negotiate custody issues with their family and Child Protection. Discussions around child custody stirred emotions with one woman expressing:
I know I can’t just go in and rip her out of my mum’s arms, I know that it’s not possible but at the end of the day, she is still my daughter. (FG 1)
The desire to regain the mothering role was evident by this mother “wanting to rip the baby out of her own mother’s arms” and feeling a strong sense of ownership over her child. This account emphasizes the need for a plan to regain trust and connection with the grandmother. Many women wanted a clear explanation of the Child Protection system so that they could work towards reunification. It was apparent from group discussion that some women did not understand why their children had been removed and needed clarity about what defined neglectFootnote 2:
Reasons why welfare grabs kids and things and all of that there because they always say neglect and that, you know. (FG 5)
This woman referred to Child Protection as “welfare” and “grabs” as removing her child/ren in a way that left her confused about the expectations of Child Protection.
One woman described how she had battled to regain custody, however, this was not enough for reunification. This woman described feeling like all her attempts never met the expectations of Child Protection. Negative experiences made some women angry, and they blamed the system.
We don’t have a structure; we don’t have a canvas that they expect us to work with – you haven’t given us what you have taken from us so how are we going to work with that? It is like making a cat or a dog chase a piece of a ball, or a ball of string and just go, let’s keep playing with it. (FG 3)
The women acknowledged their need for education starting with a basic understanding of what children need to avoid neglect. There was a general sense of injustice because some women felt unsupported by Child Protection in the decision to remove their child. Women admitted they had not been shown love in their own childhood, identifying the need for practical support. During one focus group, researchers witnessed a woman being asked to leave and were later informed that a decision had been made about her infant being placed in long-term guardianship. Her distress was compounded when authorities discussed issues directly with a social worker, rendering her invisible in the conversation. This incident was discussed with prison guards and was reflected upon and written up in the researcher’s reflective journal.
Women discussed wanting support and information to cope with mothering after release. Some women had commented on their previous release from prison “It was overwhelming, I didn’t know where to start” (FG 4) and “Your role in their life has changed somewhat so navigating that can be quite tricky” (FG 2). For the few that described a positive relationship with their family, the outlook was one of hope. Some women described being grateful their children were well cared for. One woman explained her family’s role in looking after her child,
I couldn’t be happier with the way my son is being brought up at the moment – like it’s very good. He’s doing a better job than probably I could have done to be honest. (FG 1)
Several women who were supported by family had plans for reunification, with a gradual transitioning approach. This emphasizes the importance of family relationships to facilitate support for women after release. Many women reported complex challenges with the caregiver, requiring reconnection and, in some circumstances, with custody as an issue. Caregivers restricting telephone calls or child visiting meant some women did not receive child visits from their children. Some caregivers had become very protective over the children which made it difficult for woman to re-negotiate their mothering role. The need to rebuild trust with her mother was described by one woman,
I don’t necessarily disagree with the way she’s been raising them. It’s just she said I can’t do enough to prove to her that I’m ok now and you know, yep so she worries about that. (FG 1)
This woman discussed how her mother had taken on the mothering role and developed a motherly bond with her grandchildren. The grandmother was seen as the protector of the child and the incarcerated mother did not see this as supporting her to regain custody. This view produced feelings of frustration, anger and helplessness, due to the uncertainty of negotiating the relationship and regaining custody. It was evident some women may need support to improve the relationship and rebuild trust.
Several women described internal conflict and being torn between feeling grateful to the caregiver for caring for their children, leaving the enormous task of parenting, often to their own mother. There were often disagreements with how the caregivers were parenting, particularly in relation to discipline.
I was saying on the phone – ‘no mum don’t do that, ground them’ – you know, ‘don’t smack them these days mum’ – ‘ground them or do this or do’ … don’t always know how they should ummm … . how they should be coping. Yeah, so how do we let them know like, how to work together? – to work together. Yeah, cos me and mum have total different ideas of how to bring children up. (FG 4)
Some women were aware they had not been a good role model and had lost their children’s trust and respect, making discipline challenging. Several women reported they were lenient or did not chastise their children because they felt guilty. Another woman, however, said the opposite,
Cos, I was real strict, I wouldn’t let them do nothing so I need a learn how to mellow it a bit (laugh). Let them have a life, you know (laugh). (FG 4)
Additionally, a few women wanted to learn how to play with their children (various ages) and activities they could do. One woman said:
What to do with them, how to play – yes, I am at a bit of a loss with that, that is a common thing in here. (FG 1)
Some women questioned how to entertain young children and had a lengthy discussion about the influence of technology. Some women believed children of all ages were reliant on technology for entertainment. A few women commented or questioned the harm computer and television screens were causing, as they mentioned it being bad for them, making them “brain dead” or causing behavior that is challenging for parents. It was clear that women had questions to ask about parenting and did not have the opportunity to have questions answered by a trusted professional. In order to reconnect with the children on release, women acknowledged they would need support and education. Some women were aware of waiting times associated with support services and others were not aware of available support. One woman discussed how she had accessed services in the past and yet she said, “there’s nothing”, as her past negative experience with lengthy waiting times had caused her to lose hope. She required immediate support after release,
There’s nothing there really, in the sense for women coming out of prison to help them deal with their kids and what they have dealt with – no one wants their kids to be motherless because they are in jail but at the end of the day what is there, out there for us, to help them – there is nothing. (FG 4)
This negative view of support services led to feelings of isolation and the belief of being unable to break the cycle of incarceration. This woman recognized the immediate support she required was not available and felt unsupported:
So, at the end of the day, you are setting us – they are setting us – women up to come in here. (FG 4)
A few women mentioned the need for a support line (telephone) for mothers and were unaware several services exist. Some women spoke positively about support groups called ‘Second Chances’,Footnote 3 ‘Seeds of Affinity’Footnote 4 and ‘Relationships Australia’Footnote 5 provided for women in South Australia. Many of the women openly engaged in discussion about their parenting challenges, worries and potential ways they could be supported. Women reported they experienced negative emotions and trauma and were seeking connection with children and family.